Leadership, Loss & Forgiveness: Lessons From the Hardest Seasons

0:00 But I'm also trying to make sure nobody else are causing problems and people like you just got some people and you meet them. You just know they're by the book. Yeah. You know. Right. And we had one of those actually the guy. So I ended up not winning soldier leader of the cycle at basic because he ended up getting it at the board. Right. And him and I both were in peace. So we went to AIT together. OK, man, I can't I can't come second twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm keeping my head down, though, because I'm like, man, I did everything.

1:01 He knew the answer. He would recite it to you word from word from whatever line and paragraph it was in in the doctrine. Man. And it was cool because what you saw was a juxtaposition of leadership styles. Yeah. Right. Because from him, what you've gotten and we see this in relationships and that's why I'm bringing this up. Let me talk about some things that civilians can understand and relate to, you know? So this, this happens in relationships, but I'm going to give it to you from this point of view that I dealt with army wise.

2:04 Yeah. So you could be the PG the entire term if you didn't mess up. Yeah. Whereas mine, and I understand why my senior drill sergeant did it. He will rotate every three or four days, every week. He will find a reason to swap you out even if you didn't necessarily do anything wrong. Right. And that was to give everybody a shot at leadership so that he could see how you perform to help shape you and grow you. And so from that point of view, I get it because you're developing more soldiers. And then when we get to soldier leader of the cycle, which he nominated me.

3:04 So that wasn't our bay. Our bay was the female bay. Right. First platoon. So all the females were in there. So we had to get split up. Half of our platoon was with third platoon. Half of our platoon was with fourth platoon. Right. So I'm on the side that's with fourth platoon. She comes up and they're like, who should be the bay leader? Everybody in the room points to me. OK. Right. So they end up making me the bay leader and I ended up stepping in and taking that position that he originally had. But the difference was he knew everything, but nobody trusted him because they felt like he would turn around and he wasn't going to be a good battle buddy to back you up.

4:07 deployed. So they haven't experienced that yet. Yeah. That role in combat to where you're going to fill the needs of the army. Right. If the upper ranks have already got that, that position to fill the actual MP slots. Right. Exactly. So now what's going to happen to you is you're going to be the needs of the army and you're going to get attached to some line unit. Mm-hmm. And you're going to be out there. That's exactly what happened. This pretty face. And they say, he doesn't stand for military police. It stands for multi-purpose. That's what they say at the court.

5:10 Right. And so I put a video up where I talk about Joseph, but in a modern context. Okay. Right. I talk about the different baby mamas. I talk about the different situations that they had family-wise where one sister was raped and two brothers went and wiped out an entire group of people. Yeah, I believe it. Right. And I understand that being as somebody who like, we lost my sister to domestic violence. Mm-hmm. Right. And most people don't know. I told my sister beforehand. I told her on the phone. Right. And I don't mind saying this because this is 1,000% true.

6:10 Right. Right. I'm not saying go out here and do it. Right. But I asked, I'm like, listen, let me do what I do. And she begged me, begged me not to remove him. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, listen, if you know you, my sister, I love you. You know, if this is, this is your life. So I can't, I can't, I can't infringe on your life, but I'm telling you, it will be better if you let me make him disappear. Right. Then for you to not be here because you don't want to listen and look at where we are now.

7:13 But at the end of the day, I'm not trading my sister for nothing or nobody. Yeah. Like, right. You know? Yeah. So that's just what it was and how it is. And so we have to be at that point where we're able to communicate with people what our boundaries are. And that's what I did. I said, hey, this is where I stand. And she said, this is where I stand. And I respected that. I don't like the way it played out. Right. But I was willing to respect how that, you know, went. And I mean, I got to live with it, you know?

8:18 People don't share their problems with you. They hide their problems from you. Yeah. Because they don't want to vote. Exactly. So what I've learned is the more open and honest I've been, the more relatable I've been, the more scars that I show people, the more honest they're willing to be with me and more open they're willing to be with me. Yeah. But man, so I went through a divorce. I went through finding out my kid wasn't my kid. I went through losing my great grandmother and I went through my sister being killed on about eight months.

9:24 And I legit didn't do nothing for four weeks, bro. I couldn't train anybody. I couldn't lift. I couldn't walk. I couldn't go out. I couldn't do nothing, bro. I sat on the couch. Half from depression, using the fracturing of my back as an excuse. And then half from the actual, like, man, when that happened, I literally could only lay on my side with my knees curled. That was the only position I could sit in without pain. Like, legit. I couldn't sit straight. I had to extend my hotel and my flight to be able to make it back home because I couldn't sit up on the plane to fly home.

10:25 So, I'm sitting there, man, and I'm just trying to figure out where to go in life, what to do, drinking like crazy, because what else am I going to do when I'm sitting there on the couch? Right. And just. How old was he? 23, 24, maybe. Yeah. Somewhere in that ballpark. Still pretty young. Still fresh. Facts. Yeah. 22. How old is 22, to be exact? Yep. So, just barely up drinking eighth. Like, I literally just hit 21 a year ago. Bro. Right? You get into that cycle and it just kind of holds you there, bro.

11:25 But, like, I just kind of do what I do and keep to myself. Yeah. So, it's not that I don't like people that have a problem or don't care. It's just how I've always been. But I've learned, like, even with that being my nature, I have to come up with some way somehow to be open with people and to let people in and to have levels of emotional availability and to kind of be able to talk about what's going on, how I got there, why, and just deep event. Even if it's just venting, you know, and that's so hard for people because people don't want to deal with and whether it's my sister and in college, this is probably the tougher one.

12:27 I would wake up at, like, 1 in the afternoon, right before lunch closed. I would run over to the food hall, the dining hall. I would snag food, try not to bump into anybody. Like, nobody's in line. So, right about the clothes. My homie worked in there. He would set a couple places aside to me. Okay. Run in, grab those, dip back, go back, eat those food, and just kind of stare at the wall in the dorm. Not even in my own dorm room. One of my homies had a single room. I was staying in his room.

13:28 Can't go to, that's just how we are. I've done everything from caffeine, detoxes, no light after 8 p.m. Did anybody tell you that Uncle Sam don't make it any better? Thanks for that. It was perfect for the army, man. Like, yeah, man. Fire guard. Give me the first three shifts. Give me all the cough drops you got. I've taken the first three shifts, you know. And no practice. I'm not going to sleep anyway. So I'm going to sit here and I would stretch, read my Bible, pray, whatever I had to do. I would clean a little bit.

14:31 He said, what do you need to be better? I hit him with that BS response. Ah, you know, that's, I'm going to think about it. I'm going to pray on it. I'm going to get back to you. I tried to walk away. He snatched me up so quick. He pulled me back over. He said, nah, before you walk away, before I let you go, what is it that I need to do? Tell me right now. Sit here and think about it. And I will stand here until you figure it out. What do I need to do for you to be better?

15:31 Yeah. You know what I mean? And from there, man, just the fact that that was really when I knew. So, I knew as a little kid I would end up in the army because I always saw myself leading soldiers. And that's the battle I'm having now between whether, I mean, I'm putting the work in to go officer because that's what I always saw myself as as a kid. But being on the other side of actually being with the troops and like leading them, I'm like, man, like this is kind of where I want to be.

16:31 So, you could be doing the right thing the wrong way. Wrong time. Wrong and end up dead in a ditch somewhere. Because I want to go play soldier before God told me I'm ready. But, man, everything that I had learned from 17 to 23, 24, you know what I mean? Before joining, before going in, that developed who I am as a leader without certain aspects of the toxicity of how the army teaches you how to do it or just certain doctrinal ways or things of, you know, how you do things. Right. And I've learned, and this is, I know I said I was going to talk about how to help you guys out, relationships and everything else.

17:36 Yeah. With them. I like with them more than over them, right? Right. Because you can be under somebody positionally yet still influence their direction. Right. And a good example of that is my senior year for football, I earned the coach's award. And one thing I didn't realize at that point in time, when he gave the speech for giving me the award, he said, this is the first time in my career, and I've been coaching a long time, that I've come and asked a student for what to do in a situation or what to do for one of my players.

18:37 And it's like, man, you're about to blow it. Yeah. And I need you to not blow it, but how do I reach you? And that's scary as a mentor, bro. Yeah. You see so much potential just living right in the line. Man. Yeah. And you start to blame yourself, you know, for things going wrong. I'm in a certain relationships that I blame myself for. Like, I had this conversation with my brother recently, man. Like, I had, I dated somebody, and I can in all honesty say there was nothing wrong with her. Oh, okay. The reason it didn't work out, because I'm not with her today, was because of me.

19:43 Right. And that's on me. And I can't blame anybody else for that. But I feel like a lot of times, man, the men that we have nowadays in relationships are so quick to say, you're not giving me this. You're not showing up for that. You know what I mean? You always got a headache, so I ain't getting what I need, so I'm getting it elsewhere. I'm talking to other people, right? And really, man, you got to deal with your trauma, your issues, your lack thereof, your inability to show up for her, your laziness, and not giving her what she needs.

20:50 Yeah. You know, or forgiveness that, even if you're a male, that you was offended by your partner. Yeah. You know, that's going to be a detox if you're wondering why it's so bitter in your relationship. Yeah. Man, look into that forgiveness, bro. Man, so, and I've had to have this conversation recently with my whole situation, raising the kid that wasn't mine, you know. So, the issue was we weren't together on the actual date of conception, right? Yeah. So, because when I say that, a lot of people assume that she cheated on me, which wasn't the case, all right?

21:59 Oh, my God. Like, literally. I wasn't expecting that. Right. Bro, so, when I tell you, like, nowadays, it is so extremely difficult for me to, like, but I've come to the point where I can at least say, hey, look, this is not you. Yeah. Okay? In my current attempts at relationship, this is not you. All right. I understand that this is me and my issue because of my past. Yeah. I need a little bit of space to process this, right? Right. And I'm trying to be open with you and helping you to see and understand where I'm at and where I'm coming from.

23:00 You have no intentions on being in a relationship with her. Right? Yeah. But you keep using her until you find the person you actually want to be with. You know? Yeah. We're going to do a whole thing on that one. But, and I say, look, you're not stuck with me. So, if you are willing to be present, because I've done, man, I've been to therapy, you know, I've been to therapy on the secular side, as in with non-Christian therapists. Yeah. I've been to therapy with Christian therapists. I sit and pray. I put in all the work that I can do.

24:02 We can work through this. Exactly. And what I'm going to give you is a level of honesty and transparency. I'm not going to hold things against you that are not because of you, but I need you still at the same time to hold space for the areas and the moments where I'm working through aspects of being able to trust because I took care of a kid for a year and a half. That wasn't mine. Man. You know, on top of everything else that was lied about along the way. Yeah, and those things get driven into your nervous system when that's your every day at the same time as shaping what your life is going to be as a young adult.

25:09 But on The Daily Chop side, man, I feel like there's so much more, like, raw openness, humor. Yeah. I feel like it's probably a little bit closer to what people want. Like, I know I go against the grain a lot. Yeah. And then that leaves you as the oddball, leaves you kind of as the odd man out and you got to find your tribe, you know. And on The Daily Chop, like, everything is still relatable, it's still real, you know. But I feel like there's so many elements and topics that you touch on that we don't get to in Classic Man, you know.

26:11 Yeah. And God took it a whole other direction. And I started The Daily Chop at the beginning of the year, right, springtime, beginning of the year. When that happened, I started using more of what God was showing me to use and kind of just talking about every struggle that we go through in life that I've hit on. And man, it's really just been a blessing. I've had the opportunity to talk to some really powerful people that have testimonies. You know, last night we did one that we're getting ready to release with Ruben Prez, which was just a, God, he's got such a powerful testimony from growing up to having.

27:13 Thanks. Find a way in the struggle that they can relate to, uh, with other people in a daily life. Like, man, I'm going through the same thing. What did you use to kind of connect or, you know, just things that we use every day in life that we don't talk about enough. Man. Yeah. And we kind of talked earlier. I feel like so many people nowadays and content creation and podcasts, they use so many buzzwords, so many things that get your attention. Clickbait, if you will. Yeah. But man, what Ruben came in with yesterday was pure substance, man.

28:14 He says, man, you're going to let a felon out success you? Part you. Right. Like, what's your excuse? Right. Exactly. He's like, man, I'm putting in the work. I'm grinding. How are you letting what society says is the bottom of the bottom put in more work and come out being more successful? And you're like, what's your excuse? Like, what are you doing? Where are you going? And so I feel like there are so many people who have dreams, who have desires, and they never turn in the plans. It never turns in the actions. It never turns into a different life.

29:14 So, look, show up to the gym for a week. Just get on the cardio machine. Just send me a picture of you on a treadmill for 30 minutes every day for a week. Yeah. You send me that, I'll rock with you. There you go. But if you can't even show up. Right. No, I work with people who have been putting in work. Like, athletes who want to take their sports to the next level. Fighters, especially. I love fighters, man. Because fighters just got that dog in. Vacation, bro. Exactly. Like, they want to win. Yeah. And it's 1v1.

30:17 Reach out to us if you're ready to get started on changing your life. All right. We got the tools. We got the avenues, the resources, the connections. We're going to make it happen. We want you to link in. Do something different with your life. Go in a different direction. Whatever that looks like for you, man. And that can be your relationship, whether that's with a partner, with your parents, with your kids, any of the above. If you have an experience, we've had it too, or we've helped somebody through it. Yeah. So we want to make sure we get you through it as well.

31:18 I'm at JumpCutKing on Instagram, or head over to EGTUniverse.com. That's EGTUniverse.com. And drop me a line. Also, show some love to Carter and the crew behind Classic Man. Head over to ClassicManPodcast.com for all the guest info, all the official links, and bonus content. Also, chip in. I'm a cup of coffee. Let's be real. If we as men don't show up together, don't band together, we can't grow together. So check back here every week, same time you're on your favorite podcast platform, for the most up-to-date content. Don't get caught slipping. Stay connected. We'll see you right here, Classic Man Podcast, next time.