Triggered Part 1 | Men: Heal & Lead — Triggers, Faith, Relationships (No Fluff)

0:00 How do you believe in a heaven with no hell? Yeah. And then you have a whole other group of people who are spiritual. Right. But don't necessarily believe in God. So now you believe in spirits and you have some side who believes in heaven but no hell. And so you have both sides who believe one aspect but not the full picture. Right. I think that's how the enemy gets us sometimes. Yeah.

1:01 Well, his people were never the ones confused. Right. Right. So when you're in right standing with God, you're never confused. Yeah. But when you're out of his will, when you're out of his alignment, when you're out of his provision, you're out of his protection. When you're out of his providence because you want to make your own choices and decisions, that's when confusion has the opportunity to set in and kind of take over your life.

2:03 Yeah. And so with that dominion and authority comes the requirement of us to ask for God to intervene in situations. So if you don't ask for him to intervene, he's not going to. He's not going to. Yeah. Ask him, you shall receive. Exactly. That's literally what Jesus says. Right. And so that is crucial because we have people who have issues with God or blame God for situations in their lives when they never asked him or reached out to him.

3:04 Whether it's you, yourself or you. Yeah. Yeah. Whether it's me for you. Welcome to the Classic Man Podcast. I'm Justin Kazmierczak, also known as the JumpCutKing. And before we dive into today's episode, a quick word. First off, if this is your first time tuning in, hit the subscribe button, tap the bell, and drop a link. And if any of this resonates with you, support it. It costs nothing and means everything. You can catch Classic Man on all major podcast platforms.

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5:11 But really, God's already won. Yeah. You know, he sacrificed his own son, and he defeated the enemy. He defeated Satan. And so now I have to realize Satan's only job is to make things look bad because whatever is bad, God's going to take it and turn it for the good. That's right. You know, I was reading this last night in my devotion. If we do and follow what God tells us to do, his people are always on top.

6:13 Yeah. But if we realize that it's already going to be, one, God's just working it out, you know? Yeah. There's going to be a testimony behind that that's going to be so powerful. Yeah. That's going to change lives and break chains. It really is. And what's so interesting about that is because we look at God as powerful from an unbeliever standpoint, right? Oh, you tell me God is all powerful. Mm-hmm. We try to take away our level of accountability and responsibility from it.

7:17 Yeah. Ask whatever you want and it shall be done. That sounds good. That does sound good. But that first part is abide in me. Spend your time praying, talking to me. Spend your time learning the words. Spend your time in worship and whatever it is that you ask. Yeah. Right? I'll give you Old Testament, right? Seek ye first. Sorry, I just pulled back to the Matthew already. Let's run that back. Right.

8:18 And this goes so well with healthy masculinity because if your father provides the answer for you all the time and you never do anything for yourself, you turn into an incompetent adult. Man, you know what? I feel like kids these days literally have that problem. They've had so much done for them over electronics and everything else. Yeah. Now it's hard for them to do anything on their own. It is. And I mean, that's with all the Googling you can do with all the AI that you can use.

9:26 And I'm talking, she's like eight years older than me. She was in med school. I'm like, all right, she knows a few things about life. So if I take what she knows about life and I take what I know about life. Yeah. This should be a good mix. Right. You know, but because her dad did such a good job at providing everything. And I understand from his point of view, right? Everything he went through growing up and the type of life that he lived and the type of life he didn't want his family to live.

10:29 And I understand the goals that he had for you. Yeah. You know, and that is wonderful. But you don't know what it's like to have to pay bills. Man. You have no idea what it's like to actually survive and live on your own. Yeah, dude. So then that ends up causing issues because, you know, I move out there and it's like, where's all your money going? To bills. Like, what do you mean?

11:30 Yeah. Like those aren't issues that you're used to. Those aren't avenues. OK, you go into the grocery store. You used to just being able to text your parents and asking them to grab whatever. Don't have kids. Right. So what's going to happen when you're the one that they're, you know, texting when your kids are texting you or your parents aren't here anymore? And it's like, OK, it's great to want to have somebody who can take care of all of those things.

12:32 I believe thirteen hundred for a two bedroom duplex. That's crazy. It is. And I know that's out this way because when I looked to move to Philly, rent for a studio in the hood. Fifteen hundred. I believe it. For a studio. I'm like, I'm going to get shot when I walk outside. Like fifteen hundred for a studio should at least be the suburbs. Yeah. You know, especially coming from the Midwest, prices are a little different.

13:32 What are we talking about today? I'm with you on that. So we're talking about our responses to trauma. OK. Right. Being triggered within family relationships, within romantic relationships, even with our kids, seeing patterns that they have from a partner that you maybe hoped they wouldn't pick up. We're going to talk about it all. OK. And those things, you know, we have to be honest. We have to be raw. And that's what we've been providing you guys.

14:35 Oh, man. So that domestic violence situation where she wasn't even with him anymore. She left him and he decided to still take her life and then commit officer assisted suicide. So he wasn't even able to commit suicide on his own, yet he was able to take her life, which is insane. That is insane. I'm so sorry to hear that, man. And, man, it's crazy. And I get that question a lot. Well, like, how are you not angry?

15:37 And all of this snowballs at the same time in the middle of COVID. And it just seemed like every single aspect of my life was falling apart. And then after that, I'm thinking things are on the up and up. But because we lost my sister to domestic violence, I realized that I would never cause another family to feel the pain that I felt. Yeah. Right. And so because she knew that, though, she would push me to borders or extremes because she knew that I would never go that route.

16:39 Oh, man. What? No joke. Banana pancakes that I was making. You know, one year anniversary. That's what she wanted for one year anniversary. She's like, I just want banana pancakes. I'm like, all right, gotcha. I'm gonna make these banana pancakes. Ended up with the frying pan and the pancakes and them being thrown at me. Had a sack of potatoes thrown at me. Two different occasions. Open gallons of water, like just shoved and then thrown at me.

17:39 You don't understand this and that. You weren't there. You weren't in the moment. We justify all of these situations. What I figured out is the same rate ways that we justify how we got into that situation. Those are the same things we do and use to justify our response to the situation. Yeah. And so if I would have responded or reacted, I would have used those same measurements to vindicate myself in the reaction that I had.

18:42 He's telling her to stop. He's telling her to stop. She's talking and she thinks that she stopped and she's still sitting there shooting. And I'm like, yeah, your body's telling you what to do. That's a perfect example of your body's telling you what to do. Exactly. Because you you don't even realize how you're responding. Yeah. And so until we can recognize. And the thing is, these moments come when we're not in that moment.

19:43 After nine p.m. It was a problem. You know, the one thing I've learned and people, a lot of people, I get listen to react rather than listen to, you know, respond. You know, they have a reaction more than what. If someone's talking to them, they're going to react right away rather than listening to what you actually said. Yeah. And then, OK, my response would be this logical response. It's more of I'm triggered by everything and I'm going to react to it.

20:43 And I'm like, well, that's my point. You're choosing to be mad. Yeah. You know, you don't have to be mad. No one's forcing you to be mad where we choose to be mad. Exactly. And that's a hard thing to teach everybody these days, man. It really is. And we have to. I'm glad you brought that point up because. As a solution, right, we talk about the problems. We discuss the problems. We discuss the things that stress us out.

21:45 Like I didn't have my caffeine yet. I didn't this. I didn't that. I didn't get enough sleep. I would just read that. I'm like, no, it's a good day. Yeah. Like I'm in my own car, put some music on. OK, I got a long drive. It means I got a lot of time to vibe. I got a lot of time to chill, fix my face before I interact with anybody because I don't like the mornings.

22:50 Right. I like getting my rest. I love being well rested, but I love being the best. Oh, yeah. So I'm going to be the first one out here. I'm going to be on time, which means early. Yep. Every single formation. Every day. You know, they're not going to step out here and I'm not here. I'm not going to be running up at the last minute. That's not going to happen. And then when they talk to me, when they interact with me, I'm not going to show this side of me that has this attitude.

23:52 Yeah. Especially the way that we've softened up as the army. Oh, yeah. You know? And so I might say, you must have forgot how to read today. When you remember, go back and reread that message and figure out, because the answer is in it. All right? Right. And that's a lot better than calling you some negative names. Yeah. But it still allows me to feel like. Right. You came on top a little bit.

25:01 You're addressing a particular issue and not saying this is who you are as a person. Right. And that becomes critical in relationships because a lot of times it's so easy and we're so quick to view ourselves as a victim. Yeah. Or view what we're receiving from somebody. And in our response, we don't understand how we're attacking them. Right. We don't understand the aggression that we come off with. Yeah. We don't understand the ways that it seems like we're being divisive, right?

26:03 That's why you spoke in parables, man. It's because it's easy to be offended. Yeah. As humans, it's easy to be offended for real. When someone's given the constructive criticism, if you're not used to it or coming from a home that does have it or is used to getting constructive criticism, you're going to take that the wrong way. Yeah. And be triggered by it. You will. And it's super easy as human, man.

27:04 So there's three different pictures here. Okay. And until you actually see something in action, you don't understand how the verbalized version and the practical version meet. Meets. Okay. So I said, look, we talk to each other like adults. Yeah. We don't yell. Right. We don't talk down at one another. We don't attack one another. Okay. So later in different arguments, I would realize that she would call me a bunch of names.

28:09 then. You already know how it goes, right? She got that guilty feeling. Facts. But later, and this was the case often, that after she thought about it, after she had a chance to take it and process it, she would come back and then she would apologize after the fact and say, you know what? You're right. Like I was upset in that moment and didn't want to admit it, but yeah, you really have never called me out of my name, but you were right.

29:14 but the book is called men are like waffles. Women are like spaghetti. Okay. Man, that makes sense. That makes sense. Once you think about it and I'm like, oh, all right, what does this mean? Okay. So if you take a waffle, if you sit there and you take your time, you can put one drop of syrup in every single box. Yeah. And the syrup in one box won't touch the dot of syrup in the next box.

30:15 They got that on one side. Some people slice up onions or bell peppers or different things. Whatever you're throwing in there, it all goes in one pot. Yeah. So everything touches something else. Right. All right. And that's how women process things in life. Everything is related to something else. I can see that. So to us, while we're cooking in the kitchen and this is what we're focused on dinner tonight, right? Their brain is, okay, well, this costs money.

31:19 of, hey, I'm a waffle. You're a spaghetti. I explain it. And so when I'm in a situation where I had this instance a few times at church, you know, with that same X, boom, boom, boom, I got X, Y, Z going on or I'm at work. Hey, I'm waffling right now. That's the terminology I'm losing. Yeah, okay. I am waffling. Okay. So I hear you. I hear your concern. I am not capable of focusing on it at this moment.

32:20 So once they get home, right, we come home and they want to talk to us and they want to ask us about so many different things. We need a few moments just to decompress and get out of that box that we're in. Yeah. And have a moment to just, okay, I'm going out of work. Let me get into our relationship box. Let us get into our home box. Let me get into our cooking dinner box, taking care of the kids box.

33:23 digital upgrade, hit me up. I'm at jumpcutking on Instagram or head over to EGTUniverse.com. That's EGTUniverse.com and drop me a line. Also show some love to Carter and the crew behind Classic Man, head over to ClassicManPodcast.com for all the guest info, all the official links and bonus content. Also chip in, I'm a cup of coffee. Let's be real. If we as men don't show up together, don't band together, we can't grow together.