4 Your Eyez Only: Where are the role models? Part 1

0:00 Thank you for tuning back in to the Classic Man Podcast, where we talk about real things, real stories, real people's lives that we are impacting. So I'm super excited. So many of you guys have been tuning in over 500 searches by name on Spotify alone has me mind blown that we've come along this far in such a short amount of time. So thank you for supporting this crew with us today.

1:01 And we won three. And then now I'm in this small town in Ohio. Welcome to the Classic Man Podcast. I'm Justin Kazmierczak, also known as the JumpCutKing. And before we dive into today's episode, a quick word. First off, if this is your first time tuning in, hit the subscribe button, tap the bell and drop a link. And if any of this resonates with you, support it. It costs nothing and means everything.

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3:03 So blessed for that. So grateful for that. I have great co-workers, staff, the clients I work with daily are one of a kind that I'm going to be more blessed with. Right now, I'm working with kids struggling with mental health diagnosis and life skills, behavioral skills, social skills, coping skills. We teach them these things that they can use in the real world. They are able to communicate with peers their age daily, with staff, their case managers, other therapists.

4:04 I can work with anybody. And honestly, being able and willing to work with anybody is such a crucial part, no matter what form of response you do. So we're not first responders in this field. Right. But we have to respond to the needs of our clients. Yeah. A lot of them. But we don't get to control what clients come in. We don't get to control what they deal with. Right. So, I mean, whether you're a nurse or a doctor in the emergency room or whether you're in behavioral sciences or behavioral care, you have to be able to work with whatever presents itself.

5:07 blocked out the sexual abuse from a teacher that she had in middle school. Wow. And I can see that, man. You know, the subconscious to protect itself will, it'll be the first thing it does is it'll begin to block them things off. Yeah. But then it'll show up later and really create some problems. For sure. You know, if you don't have them impeccable thoughts or if you haven't worked it out.

6:11 And it sparks a want. And once we get that desire and the want, then the drive turns on to want to change ourselves and begin to make the changes we need. Yeah. But I believe it comes with a stage of development of maturity and growth, of course, with the right support. Definitely. Trauma can also produce memory loss. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of things you'll block out, not even remembering the fullness of what happened to you because.

7:13 Same with families. Say something like just say anything happens. Anything happens within a family. That situation can define the actions of somebody in their future. Yeah. And so with family, we see that a lot of things are learned. Now, a lot of these things can be from within the household or they can be from outside of the household. And that kind of depends on what you have access to at different ages, what your parents kind of allow you to be able to see or hear.

8:16 playing a character on the screen and that's not necessarily who they are in real life. Right. Or you're not seeing them in real life. Yeah. On the flip side, one of my favorite songs being from Detroit. Is that the Detroit vs. Everybody shirt? Yeah. There we go. Big Sean. Big Sean, man, it would be dope to have him on here one day. Yeah, it would be. We got to hit him up.

9:17 So my mom ended up finding my stepdad, who I'm forever grateful for, at a young age for me. So I did have a father figure growing up. It wasn't my biological father, though, which having both of them, but one of them is really not there. And another one stepped up. Yeah. So it's like, I know that my real dad's out there, but he doesn't want me. Right. But then I have this stepdad that I hold on this pedestal because he's been there through thick and thin.

10:18 And it's insane to see like a single mother raising children and whatnot and how much they can do throughout the days, but also just to also visualize seeing a two parent home. That's also very important. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We're essentially raising kids to eventually be someone's partner, someone's spouse, you know, and what they learn from us. That's how that household is going to run. Yeah. You know, you imagine like just teaching them all the negative things that can be out there.

11:20 she's raising a kid alone? That's tough. When I look at all aspects, right, there's assistants out there. Right. But if you have a mom that's working multiple jobs to try to keep the house alive and moving and make ends meet, how much do, do they get to put time in the house with the kids or are they constantly away working? How do you balance that out? Yeah. You know, and that's the aspect.

12:22 you know, it takes a village to raise a kid. So if it's not a male in the household, then what is it and who's raising your kids? I would say for me personally, because I at times was a single mom, when you have to be mom and dad, you kind of lose that nurture effect that mothers should have. And I also think that when you say the lack thereof, we felt that in our home, me and my son did, because though I wanted to be the nurturer, I also had to be the disciplinary.

13:27 time. Yeah. We felt that heavy in the home. yeah, no, that's actually really interesting that you mentioned that feeling hardened aspect, because to be honest with you, I had never considered that point of view, you know, like I say, okay, yeah, the kid is missing this aspect. And even if you do the best job that you can at it, I still feel like it's different coming from a male. Yeah. You guys see it with some of our clients where you guys can say something over and over.

14:30 For sure. So I wonder, does just like the male aspect of having a little more dominance role, does that play an effect in it? Oh yeah. The masculinity. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Okay. So what does that healthy father figure look like from a woman's point of view? For me, I'd say the healthy father figure is the person that's able to be there for everything, for the mom, for the grandparents, for the child itself, for the teachers, for everybody.

15:32 Yeah. I want to be present to help with homework. Yeah. I want to be present to take them to and from things. I like the idea of my wife being able to stay at home when I have one, right? Yeah. Yeah. But at the same time, if you're at home and I'm the only one working and then I show up to his game, that's money missing. Yeah. Right. So how do we balance that, whether it's, okay, you choose something you like part-time or where do we make this balance that for me to still be present as a father, right?

16:34 I need a bill five pay. That's what I'm saying. You can still not be present. I think a father has to be approachable. So many kids, especially daughters, can find that there's some intimidation that comes with bringing things to your father or wanting to spend time with your father. But just like I said, with a mother who, who should be nurturing that can, you know, be hardened because she's having to do everything by herself in the same sense with a father, like really learning to help each other, you know, balancing time, being approachable.

17:35 You know what I mean? So that you can spend quality time all around. For sure. You know. And one thing I say often is anything that goes to either extreme is bad. You can't be so far over here that it becomes a problem or so far over here that it becomes a problem. And we take these gender stereotypes and we make them so black and white that people no longer can see themselves in them or identify with how to have a healthy relationship in it because they're trying to hold to something that they think is right.

18:37 like, OK, I'm starting life. You know, this is what society says I should be as a woman, but I got to be able to take care of myself until I do find somebody to be with. Or like, what does that look like for a woman? Oh, so me being fresh out. Yeah. That's probably that one. Yeah. That is a typical thing. It's a you're in college. I want to date this person.

19:41 right away. Yeah, I got to make money. I got to find a house. I got to find a husband. I got to start my family before I'm 25 or I'm going to be whatever. How do you guys feel about you said I got to find someone before I get or a family before I turn 25. Do you think movies and Hollywood still play a role and having to fulfill that thought?

20:44 I have to get engaged. I have to start having kids or get married or have a family. First of all, you need to be the person that you would want to date when you're at that place of choosing or even contemplating. If you're at a place of unhealed trauma, if you have some, I don't know, stuff going on, like attracts like. And so whatever is going on inside of you, if you're so eager to find a partner, you're going to run into somebody who also probably has some stuff because you haven't fully healed yourself.

21:45 Yeah. As younger I didn't. Right? Because I was like 17 thinking I was grown. Like looking back now, I can see that that was not the way to go. Yeah. And growing up a bit, I have also realized that the ages that we had things set for in our minds when we were younger are so unrealistic. Yeah. Oh, man. Like I'm young, you know? I consider myself to still be young.

22:46 Right. Like the only thing left for me is that if I were to have a kid right now, that would greatly limit the things that I'm working on, the things that I'm trying to do. I love to travel or I'm going officer. That means all of these different pieces to it. I'm like, no, there's absolutely no way I could have had a kid at 24. Oh, not being in the military.

23:49 Uncle Sam's like, look, you're not going to go home. You know, you're not in the right mind state to go home and deal with that right now. That's the father figure where it's like, I want to be there. Yeah. Dude, my job, I can't be there. Yeah. And then there's other fathers where it's like, I don't want to be there. I'm seeing that my kid doesn't want me. Yeah. Yeah. It's all right.

24:51 Yeah. If you haven't, it's work. When Nat and I first got together, the girls were, they wouldn't approach me. They were scared of me because I'm coming from a line unit. I'm coming from our, I'm infantry every day. And every day we're going to go do our job and we're just going to go hard at it. Very strict, very disciplined, a lot of anger. That was like, nope. With Gabby, I shut down.

25:54 the whole time I was gone in the military and wasn't present. Now I'm having to deal with some of them things and the amount of work that I put in daily. I have to follow that schedule. And that's the hardest thing. You know, I want to make sure now every night I'm reading, going over devotion with them. We're praying together. We're doing things together to try to create that bond because I never created it.

26:56 the boundary setting, the, I have this job. Okay. You can help me with it, but got to stay over there. Setting limits, boundaries, that kind of stuff. Boundaries. It's different for sons and daughters. So sons is more of the masculinity, whereas with daughters, it's the expectations for the male relationships. That's what we were talking about. The father figure is to show the daughter who she's supposed to look for in her future.

28:00 He taught me golf. He taught me how to talk to others, how, where my comedy, funniness. Yeah. That's where the humor comes from. My stepdad, he taught me the good, the bad, the ugly. He taught me individuals around safety, safety versus not safe. My biological father taught me how to not be a father, who not to look for in a relationship. That I have a voice, tell him everything that's on my mind.

29:03 I have a couple too, okay? Air Force. He was, yeah. His dad was, like I said, there was some, angry. He was kind of angry. Yeah, he had some trauma in the Air Force. He had some trauma. He had some serious trauma, yeah. He had trauma. He actually had like physical trauma. Yeah, so I don't blame dad too much for certain things. And that was a different time period. It was.

30:07 And the two main men that I had in my life was, you know, him and his dad. My grandfather was just the best man ever in the world if you got to meet him, you know. So if you didn't, sorry for you. My dad, he was present. He provided, but he was unapproachable. I learned the ins and outs of how I should act. Manners were big. Integrity was big for him and respect.

31:11 Or carry the traits and characteristics. Yes, and thought I had found that, you know, the first go around at it. Of course, I didn't. I got a beautiful son out of it. I didn't fully know what I needed in a partner at that time because I didn't get to have the uncomfortable conversations that one should have with their father. Especially about men, how they should treat you and, you know, how they should be in a relationship with you.

32:13 Even today, you know, I love my dad to death. And he started having conversations with me, I think, too late. I think it was already after the fact that I thought I was grown and wanted to do what I wanted to do and then found myself in some situations that my dad had to walk me through. Yeah. And so I'm so thankful that he did. However, I think had he, again, I love you, dad, but if he would have been a little bit more approachable, I think I could have asked him about guys early on.

33:22 For those of you stepping into a stepfather type role or for many of you guys that have gotten married and you're having kids, especially around my age. If you are not respecting your partner's boundaries, enforcing them. Okay. You enforce her boundaries. It's not just respecting her boundaries. Whatever you say and she says, you enforce. Yeah. And then you respect and enforce those boundaries for your kids as well, even if they're not biologically yours.

34:27 Yeah. Yeah. You know, he says that two different ways. He says, whoa, to the man. Yeah. That causes another to sin. Literally. Yeah. You know, if you're going to cause that other person to sin, whether by telling them, leading them, or showing them, whoa. Yeah. Yeah. You'll be held accountable. You'll be held accountable. You will. This episode didn't challenge your thinking and resonate with you. You just weren't really listening. I'm Justin Kazmierczak, founder of the EGT Universe.

35:31 So check back here every week, same time you're on your favorite podcast platform for the most up-to-date content. Don't get caught slipping. Stay connected. We'll see you right here at Classic Man Podcast next time. See you then. Bye-bye. Thanks for having you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. You're welcome. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye.